“Change your attitude and you change your life.
You cannot control what happens to you in your life, but you can always control how you respond to it. The way you choose to respond is a reflection of your attitude. By changing your attitude, you also change your perspective and change your life.”
― Roy Bennett
1. Cover your legal basis. Find a good lawyer specializing in divorce and who has been at the center of these battles innumerable times and who understands narcissistic personality disorder. This is very important. You cannot reason with a narcissist in the same way as a narcissist, and your lawyer needs to understand this. Learn how to best protect yourself and your children. If you are concerned that your partner will pose a potential threat to your child, ask for a custody assessment immediately, as this may take several months to complete.
2. Deal with your financial situation. Obtain a credit card in your name, and your credit is still used with your spouse. Open your own bank account and get some emergency cash reserves. Although it may not be legal for your spouse to freeze marital assets, the narcissist is at a loss. When your lawyer is trying to force your spouse to comply with court orders from the judge, you need to make sure that you have enough money to survive. If you are worried that your spouse knows that you want to deposit an emergency fund, use a debit card, and ask for cashback no matter where you shop. Then deposit the money into your account. The money must be disclosed during the divorce process so that you do not violate any laws or court orders.
3. Create paper trails. Copy all financial records. This includes tax returns, payroll, W-2, investment documents, loan information, insurance policies, frequent flyer mileage reports, 401K statements, bank statements, etc. Your lawyer can tell you what information they will require to assess your financial situation. Have a copy of your marriage certificate. In addition, keep your and your children’s passports, social security cards, and other official documents in a secret place for safekeeping. Take out your emotional personal belongings from home. Ideally, give them to someone you trust to serve you. Record everything. The time, date, and place of your partner’s illegal, unethical or disruptive behavior. This may prove useful to your attorney as well as a custody evaluator.
4. Remove any potential weapons from your home just in case. Although it may not be necessary, there is never any harm in safety instead of regret. Most attempted and actual homicides in abusive relationships occur while leaving. If possible, find a reasonable reason to dismiss them (safety around children, etc.). If you really believe that a narcissist spouse is at risk of violence, please consult a counselor or shelter that specializes in domestic violence for help.
5. Take out sentimental objects and personal souvenirs from your home, and then give them to a trusted friend for safekeeping.
6. Don't listen to the narcissistic spouse's message. Ideally, you will have no contact. If this is not possible, remember that what the narcissist is saying is selfish and likely to lie. Spend time with trusted friends and family and/or counselors who will help you maintain a correct view of yourself. Listening to the narcissist and accepting criticism or reasoning about that person will distort your thinking about yourself and your situation. The narcissist hopes he or she can get any response from you. Interact with poker faces and don’t let the narcissist’s spouse know what you want, because it will most likely be used against you.
The narcissists are plotters. They think about how a particular move will benefit them until they reveal it to the other party for a long time, even if it is their spouse who has been married for decades. The fact is that you only think that you are part of a real marriage. Narcissists cannot establish true relationships. Usually, their marriage is a business transaction. They choose their partners because they are physically attractive, young, emotionally flexible, suitable for the perfect image of a narcissist, come from the "right family background", and have strong economic assets.
Narcissists often distort facts or outright lies to make you believe or do what he or she wants. Remember, the narcissist’s agenda is to make you feel inferior, depressed, or even crazy. This is the narcissist’s nature because it will keep you under control and continue to give them the admiration and attention of narcissism. If necessary, when your narcissistic spouse speaks to you, it will make nonsense sounds or words played in your mind, such as "Lalala". Reprogramming the misinformation and destructive information of the abuser will be the key to staying strong and following your decisions.
There are many stages of divorcing a narcissist. If You Have A Difficult Divorce With A Narcissistic Or Sociopathic Spouse The Legal System Makes It Worse.
I ask only, please, you must be strong. After all of your work, someday you will find yourself leading a life that is calmer, healthier, more peaceful, and creative-a life that belongs to you and that you share with others that come across your new path.
She was wrong of course. Curiosity could never kill this cat. But yes, a pair of beautiful brown eyes could.”
― Saurbh Katyal, The Invisible Woman