What does intimacy mean to a man?
Ladies, I’ll tell you a secret. Men are simple.
What is intimacy to a man?
Intimacy means SEX to a man.
Men Need Sex.
They love it. They mean it when they are talking about Intimacy with you. That you both need to be closer to each other.
Steve Harvey calls Sex a ‘Cookie” in his brilliant book “Act like a Lady think like a Men”:
Ain’t nothin’ on this planet like it, nothing else we want that bad on a continuous basis,
nothing else we simply cannot live without.
Take our house, take our job, the ’69 Impala, our last pair of gators, but please—puh-leeze—
don’t hold out on The Cookie.
Men don’t care about anything else; Men need ‘The Cookie’.
Man needs to be physically engaged to the woman he loves, the woman who is loyal to him, supports him, and the way that man does that is by physical intimacy making love.
What is intimacy to a man: a physical connection
Please understand: that the way men connect with women is by having sex (physical intimacy). It’s how they plug in, recharge, and reconnect.
Ask any guy if physical intimacy is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying or having serious intimacy issues.
But what about the rest of the men?
Men need sex more than air. Men need physical intimacy.
What is emotional intimacy to men?
Emotions—talking, cuddling, holding hands, and bonding, that’s your thing, Ladies. Man will do these things because he knows this is important to you.
And can’t one of them survive without sex.
Oh, he’ll work with you if you have an off week—if he loves you, that is. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t bother to try to get your cookie—he’d just go on and get it from somewhere else.
But if he’s into you, and you’re cutting back, rationing it out, you’re not doing what you did when you all first started dating, he’s going to line up someone who will.
Please believe me when I tell you this: he will tell everybody, “This is my girl right here,” but meanwhile, he will have another woman lined up and waiting to give him what he needs and wants—physical intimacy – ‘The Cookie’.
You might have been up all night for a week with a sick child, gotten up early to get the other onto the school bus before you hit the road for that rush-hour commute to work.
Or go to battle with your co-workers and boss for eight hours with nothing, but a fifteen-minute break to swallow an inadequate, unsatisfying lunch, and then hit the rush-hour traffic back home to start your second job—the feeding and care of your kids.
There’s dinner to be cooked, homework to be checked, laundry to be done, and the list goes on.
By the time your man checks in with you, the last thing on your mind is giving a positive response to what a friend of mine called “the shoulder tap.”
“You know what I’m talking about,” she said.
“It’s when you finally drop into the bed exhausted, and you’re halfway through your favorite show you watch when you just want to zone out, and here he comes, tapping you on your shoulder, asking for sex. It’s just annoying.”
What that same friend of mine didn’t know, though, was that her husband was tired of the “shoulder tap,” too. In his mind, he’d also worked all day—just as hard as her. And though he may not have done all the exact things she’d done during the course of the evening at home, he, too, put in work around the house, and, like her, needed to wind down from his day. She liked watching television. He liked to have sex. She was always too tired to have sex. He was tired of not having sex. So while she unwound to her favorite shows, he unwound out of the house—with another woman.
-Steve Harvey
Now, I’m not saying what he did was right, but we try to understand the logic behind what he eventually ended up doing.
Advice for a hard day
If you had a hard day, you could ask for help around the house to make the evenings go more smoothly.
If you cook, your man could do the dishes.
If you get the kids’ clothes ready for tomorrow, he gets their homework ready for tomorrow.
If you get the kids off to bed, he gets you off in bed by setting the mood—straightening up, running her a bath, letting you settle in with a glass of wine, whatever it takes to make it clear to you.
But understand, that no man is going to wine and dine you every night in order to have physical intimacy with you.
Sometimes, he’s just going to want to have you, no-frills— without being forced to feel like he’s added another “chore” to your list of things to do.
Every man needs that from his woman.
You can shop for him, cook dinner every night, and make sure that his favorite peanut butter is in the cabinet to show him that you’re paying attention and you care about emotional intimacy.
How to build emotional intimacy with a man
We, women, are complicated creatures.
We need emotional intimacy.
Lots of it.
And you expect your man to provide it, even if you haven’t explained what it is you need and want, or even if what you needed and wanted five minutes ago is wholly different from what you need and want now.
You need to understand what is intimacy to a man.
Men’s emotions and intimacy are wholly different from a woman’s.
A woman’s love is emotional, nurturing, heartfelt—sweet and kind, and all-encompassing.
For men, emotional intimacy begins with loyalty
He wants you to keep your loyalty to him.
It means, whatever happens, you’ll be by his side.
For example, if he gets laid off, he knows you’re going to stay, even if he’s not drawing a paycheck.
You get around your girlfriends, you’re going to say with great enthusiasm, “That’s my man. I’m loyal to him.”
All he wants, really, is to hear you say, “Baby, how was your day? Baby, Thanks for doing everything for us. This family needs you, wants you, and is happy to have you.”
Men must feel like kings, even if they are not regal
Believe me, the more you make your man feel special, the more he gives in back.
He will try his best.
Man cannot survive without these things
What a man really needs from you when his day goes bad is those three things: support, loyalty, and physical intimacy.
Give him that when he comes home, and he’ll go back out there and fight this war for you.
The moment a woman isn’t doing those three things for her man, I can promise you he’ll get somebody who will.
You may not like what I’m saying, but ask any man about these words and whether they’re true, and that man will tell you this one simple thing: it’s true.
Support. Loyalty. Physical Intimacy.
If you supply these three things, you’ll have on your hands a man who will do anything you need and want him to do for you—pure and simple.
FAQs About Intimacy for Men
Question: Is physical intimacy the only aspect of intimacy that matters to men?
No, physical intimacy is an important component, but it’s not the sole aspect of intimacy that matters to men. Emotional connection, communication, trust, and shared experiences also play vital roles in building intimacy with men.
Question: How can I enhance emotional intimacy with my partner?
To enhance emotional intimacy, focus on open and honest communication, active listening, and creating a safe space for vulnerability. Engage in deep conversations, share your feelings, and express empathy and understanding towards your partner’s emotions.
Question: What if my partner has different intimacy needs than I do?
It’s common for individuals to have different intimacy needs. The key is to have open and non-judgmental conversations about each other’s needs, desires, and boundaries. Finding a middle ground and compromising can help meet both partners’ intimacy needs.
Question: Can intimacy be built outside of the bedroom?
Absolutely! Intimacy extends beyond the bedroom. Engaging in shared activities, quality time, and showing appreciation and affection can all contribute to building intimacy outside of the physical realm.
Question: What if my partner is not comfortable being vulnerable?
Building trust takes time, and some individuals may take longer to feel comfortable being vulnerable. It’s important to create a safe and supportive environment where your partner feels accepted and understood. Patience, empathy, and reassurance can help your partner gradually open up.
Question: Is it normal for men to struggle with emotional intimacy?
Yes, some men may find it challenging to express their emotions and be vulnerable. Societal expectations and upbringing can influence how men perceive emotional intimacy. However, with understanding, patience, and communication, men can learn to embrace emotional intimacy and experience its benefits.
Question: How can I balance physical intimacy with other aspects of my relationship?
Finding a balance between physical intimacy and other aspects of your relationship is important. Open communication, mutual respect, and understanding each other’s needs and boundaries can help strike a healthy balance. Remember, intimacy encompasses various dimensions, and nurturing all aspects of your relationship is crucial.
Question: What if my partner’s desire for physical intimacy differs from mine?
Differences in desire for physical intimacy are common in relationships. Open and non-judgmental communication is key to understanding each other’s perspectives and finding ways to bridge the gap. Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can also be beneficial in navigating such differences.
Remember, every individual and relationship is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. It’s essential to have open and honest conversations with your partner about intimacy, understand each other’s needs, and work together to create a fulfilling and intimate relationship.
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