Not sexually attracted to husband: how to fix it

Don’t ask yourself why I am not sexually attracted to husband.
Ask instead, – how to be attracted to my husband again?

Table of Contents

How To Make Your Marriage Sexy Again

Our culture tells us that we deserve more. Today, if two characters in a movie express the slightest interest in each other, they jump in bed and fall in love.

But just as couples come together, so too do they disunite. Absent the tangy bloom of early courtship and seduction, we are often left with tired couples with unmet needs and mismatched libidos.

Hollywood makes it pretty clear that romance within marriage doesn’t sell tickets.

That’s not interesting. That’s not provocative.

At one time, popular women’s magazines like Cosmopolitan would feature articles like “Your Husband’s Biggest Secret”, or “How to Drive Your Hubby Wild”, or “How to become sexually attracted to my husband again”. Then the editors stopped using the word “husband.” Now they use the term “your boyfriend,” “your guy,” or “partner.” It’s as if husbands (and marriage for that matter) are no longer relevant.

Nowadays on the Netflix rom-com, very few married couples even hint at a satisfying sex life.

One more example of the culture getting it backward. Why is it that married women are embarrassed to go into Victoria’s Secret, but teenage girls aren’t?

Since we can’t count on Hollywood, the media, or retailers, let’s take it upon ourselves to reclaim romance for our husbands.

Some thoughts on how to become sexually attracted to my husband again

It’s probably your hormones

Consult your doctor.

If you are not sexually attracted to your husband, talk to your medical provider—there may well be hormonal issues involved, along with a variety of neurological and physiological factors.

Women sometimes feel more comfortable with the idea that their sexual desire has everything to do with their chemistry and nothing to do with their life.

After all, these days it’s easy to change your chemistry!

But hormones are a part of the context that shapes a woman’s sexual wellbeing, so changing them can make only a small impact.

This is another reason why the keenly sought “pink Viagra” is such an unpromising approach.

Stress, self-compassion, trauma history, relationship satisfaction, and other emotional factors have far more influence on a woman’s sexual desire than any hormone.

If you sometimes experience low desire, unless there’s some medical issue interfering, chances are you don’t have to fix yourself—you’re not broken—you only have to change your context.

Our culture tells us that we deserve more

The TV shows and movies we’ve watched since we were little girls and boys promise us a life of adventure, and, of course, everlasting—passionate—love.

But just as couples come together, so too do they disunite.

Our society is one of serial monogamy. Absent the tangy bloom of early courtship and seduction, we are often left with tired couples with unmet needs and mismatched libidos.

Could the shift in desire simply be a result of the ebb and flow of monogamy, the preoccupations of family life and domesticity, and the way our bodies, at least women’s bodies, were designed? And if that is the case, isn’t it perhaps unrealistic to expect that we should have an ever-robust libido when, after all, science reveals that desire tends to dissipate as we age?

Many women find themselves in libido-killer relationships. That creates a predicament, for discordant desire has a way of undermining even the healthiest and most loving couples.

If this is your situation, you may ask, Who in the relationship is in the best position to fix the sexual stalemate? Is it you? Is it him?

Why not think about love the way we think about the laws of motion?

Here is Newton’s first law: An object’s inertia causes it to continue moving at the same speed and in the same direction unless it is acted upon by an unbalanced force.

Inertia, then, means resistance to change. If the forces on us are balanced—that is, in equilibrium—change will not occur.

Inertia is also what happens in long-term relationships, which start off heady and intoxicating, but over time drain themselves of passion. We can counter the sexual stalemate, but the wider the sexual gap between partners is, the greater the unbalanced force that needs to be applied.

It seems that the longer we stand in the space of lovers turned friends— the greater the work required to restore the connection with your husband.

Work? – Yes!

Whoever said that love and desire would be as easy and plentiful as grass?

Oh, that’s right, Hollywood did, with her white-veil fantasies and fluorescent smile. But Hollywood forgot to tell you that finding love isn’t the hardest battle. Maintaining it is.

Maintaining jouissance, spark and eros is difficult. After all, we are working against inertia, against nature. Marrying for love is a twentieth-century Western phenomenon.

And we are scriptless, left on open terrain without signposts to direct us to adult desire.

If you are in a relationship where the sexual current has slowed, an important question to ask is, –

How YOU can improve this situation?

You may look for a new lover to be heard, witnessed, and appreciated

It is this freshness that gives an affair voltage. At its heart, an affair is highly narcissistic—more about you than the other person.

When women cheat, it is often so that they can be seen differently too—beautiful, sexy, exciting, larger than they are in the four walls of their home relationship.

Maybe try to return the Love to your Hubby

Who in the relationship is in the best position to fix the sexual stalemate?

You are. You decided to commit to this person.

It is likely that lust once resided between you.

It is possible to get it back, reclaim your sex drive and replenish your sensual relationship.

The first steps—the planning, the seducing, the facing rejection, the moving beyond waiting for spontaneous desire—hold many back from attempting sensual intimacy.

And while desires are held back, swallowed whole, new desires can form . . . for others, for a different life, for a place where one is simultaneously understood, appreciated, and adored.

You may not realize it, being too busy paying bills and putting sunscreen on toddlers’ noses,

but your relationship is under threat.

Give sensuality a proper place in your life and learn what turns you on

If we can set it up so we feel both attractive and relaxed and are in an environment free of any reminder of chores, half the battle is won.

Will getting out of the house in a dress that you love help you remember a feeling of desire? Book a babysitter and go out somewhere fanciful: an ice rink, a river bed.

Are you a hot-bath-and-massage kind of woman? Have him run the water for you, wash your hair, dry you the way he dries your children, careful to pat each crevice.

And then touch you slowly.

Touch you without wanting anything back.

Explore your sensuality in new ways

To get your desire for your Hubby back, and explore your sensuality in new ways, you need to create time for self-pleasure.

This could mean setting aside a time when you apply creams to your body in a sensual ritual.

A time when you feel your hips, thighs, and breasts and reflect upon things that make you feel sexual and beautiful and connected to your body.

Slip some erotic poems into your reading.

To create a more sensual life, we need to allow time and space for sexuality to feel its way into shape.

Creating an environment where libido can emerge, where you can affirm the importance of your partner and reconnect to yourself as a sexual woman, enables your relationship to maintain eroticism.

A popular method of rekindling romance and strengthening the marital bond is to schedule weekly or monthly date nights.

Watch a mainstream film that has a few hot sex scenes, it should help your fantasy.

Here is a list of my favorite sexy movies:

Basic Instinct (Director’s Cut)
Better Than Chocolate
Body of Evidence
Crash (Director’s Cut)
The Fluffer
Henry and June
The Hunger
Jade
Last Tango in Paris
9 1/2 W e e k s
Secretary

When it comes to sex, you need to look at each other in new ways.

Some great ideas from X-Industry

Pornstars know tips, rules, and how to deal with sex because sex is their job.

More importantly, they have the trade secrets of great, mind-blowing sex because this job is evaluated by millions of viewers daily.

It’s time we took a lesson from these silver screen vixens and became confident, sensual show-stoppers on our own bed.

Getting sexy isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about discovering and displaying what already lies inside of you.

—Brynne Dearie (infamous L.A. stripper)

In our society, women yearn to learn movie stars’ tips and secrets on how to get that beautiful, glowing skin, those deep sultry eyes, and that killer body.

But notice that when it comes time for most Tinseltown sex scenes, the camera always shies away.

Porn stars know real beauty secrets because they know how to stay sultry and sexy as they are being filmed getting down and dirty.

Who better to learn the tricks of the trade from than the stars who have mesmerized our boyfriends, our husbands, and us, so long into the night?

Let’s explore some head-to-toe tips and secrets for staying sexy while in the sack.

Smoky Eyes and Faux Lashes are making a Sexy comeback!

This look is not for just porn divas, strippers, and A-list celebrities. It’s for the sex goddess inside each of us.

Line the inner rim of your eye with a black or brown eye pencil. Blend only the far edges into your lash line with a cotton swab.
With a small angled brush, edge a frosty white or pink powder shadow into the inner corner of your eyelid. This will brighten your eyes and also add dramatic contrast to the black liner.
With another small angled brush, edge a dark-colored shadow on your bottom lashes and the top of your eyelid.
Apply mascara to your lashes. For dramatic effect, add some long false eyelashes.

Give Him Lip Service

Lips are hailed as one of the most sensual and provocative parts of a woman. They can give large amounts of pleasure and can speak the naughtiest of words. Heighten his anticipation and excitement with a tinted gloss on your lips.

Nail-Me Nails

The porn industry has transformed the French manicure, elevating it from a fashion couture icon to something a little racier. The image of those perfect white-striped fingernails stroking a hard penis or rubbing a clean pussy is enough to get anyone’s juices running. The style has become associated with porn stars, and the sight of them alone can make your lover beg for your touch.

And don’t forget your feet!

Make sure you get a pedicure, too, so your feet look great when you’re getting some mutual satisfaction in the 69 position.

That Banging Body

Many porn stars suggest using cosmetics on some of your most delicious body parts.

Dust nipples lightly with a bronzer.

This will draw your lover’s attention to the focal point of your breasts.

Exfoliate: This will slough off any perspiration, dead skin cells, and tiny bumps on your boobs and leave the skin there smooth and supple.
Moisturize: Apply moisturizing lotion to hydrate your skin.
Tweeze: Remove any unwanted hairs

Get a Smooth Stomach

The stomach is a trouble area for many women. In fact, many hide in the missionary position because they think that if they are on their back, it will flatten their stomach. Rise above that myth, follow the tips below, and climb on top of your lover in triumph!

First and foremost, before sex, avoid eating or drinking anything that causes you to bloat, such as carbonated drinks, raw veggies, or beans.
After making coffee in the morning, mix coffee grounds with lotion or oil and rub them onto your stomach in a circular motion. Wait several minutes and then rinse clean. The grounds act as an Exfoliator, and the caffeine helps get fat cells moving to get rid of cellulite. Do this twice a week for the best results.
Try to lose some fat. Here is some easy and fast solution.

Dance for him

Ask your lover what their number one fantasy is, and you more than likely will get a racy reply involving ag striptease. The act of seductively taking off one’s clothes has for centuries been a visual that men and women alike can’t get enough of.

Flaunt that Confidence

Porn stars ooze sex appeal because they exude carnal confidence, not only about their bodies, but also about their techniques and their very selves. They transcend insecurities to find bliss and happiness in being naked in front of millions of viewers.

You only need to find a fraction of that confidence to be comfortable naked in front of your lover.

Open-eyed kissing, open-eyed foreplay, open-eyed sex, and for those over-achievers, open-eyed orgasms provide a pathway to erotic sex.

It’s All in the Lighting. If you’re somewhat shy about saddling up with all lights ablaze, but still want to have a randy romp porn-star style, you have a few options.

Candlelight
Pink or red Lighting

They hide cellulite, stretch marks, and any other imperfections you may think you have.

The Bottom Line

In conclusion, maintaining a fulfilling and passionate marriage requires effort, especially when it comes to rekindling sexual attraction. While societal influences, hormonal factors, and the natural course of long-term relationships can impact desire, it’s essential to take proactive steps to reignite the spark with your husband.

Instead of succumbing to the cultural narratives that downplay the significance of marriage and long-term commitment, it’s time to reclaim romance for your relationship. This means acknowledging the emotional and contextual factors that influence desire, such as stress, self-compassion, trauma history, and relationship satisfaction.

Rather than seeking external solutions or quick fixes, it’s important to focus on creating a supportive and intimate environment within your marriage. This involves open communication with your partner and consulting a medical professional if there are underlying hormonal issues.

By prioritizing self-exploration, sensuality, and shared experiences, you can discover new ways to reconnect with your own desires and rediscover the passion in your relationship. This may involve setting aside time for self-pleasure, planning date nights, exploring erotic literature or movies together, and embracing new experiences that enhance your sensual connection.

Remember, maintaining a satisfying and passionate marriage requires work and a commitment to personal and relational growth. By embracing the journey of rediscovering attraction and desire, you can create a loving and intimate connection with your husband that transcends societal expectations and contributes to a fulfilling partnership.

So, instead of questioning why you’re not sexually attracted to your husband, shift your focus towards actively working on how to reignite the attraction and passion in your marriage. With dedication, open-mindedness, and a willingness to explore new avenues, you can make your marriage sexy again and nurture a thriving and intimate bond with your husband.

FAQ Section

Question: What if I’m not sexually attracted to my husband?

It can be incredibly disheartening and confusing when you find yourself lacking sexual attraction towards your husband. Rest assured, you’re not alone in experiencing these feelings. Many factors can contribute to a decline in attraction within a long-term relationship. It’s important to address this issue with empathy and seek ways to understand and navigate the situation.

Question: How can I be sexually attracted to my husband again?

Rekindling sexual attraction in a marriage takes effort and commitment from both partners. Start by open and honest communication with your husband about your feelings and desires. Explore ways to create a nurturing and intimate environment that encourages emotional and physical connection. Consider engaging in shared activities, setting aside quality time for each other, and even seeking professional help if needed. Remember, the path to rediscovering attraction is unique to each couple, so be patient and open to new possibilities.

Question: Can a marriage survive without physical attraction?

While physical attraction plays an important role in relationships, a marriage can survive without it being the sole driving force. Emotional connection, shared values, and deep companionship are equally significant aspects that contribute to a lasting partnership. If you’re lacking physical attraction, it’s crucial to focus on fostering emotional intimacy and open communication. By working together as a team, you can find alternative ways to create a fulfilling and thriving marriage.

Question: Why am I not physically attracted to my husband anymore?

There isn’t a single answer to why you might have lost physical attraction towards your husband. It’s essential to remember that attraction can fluctuate over time due to various factors such as stress, changes in hormone levels, familiarity, or unresolved emotional issues. It’s important to self-reflect and explore these potential factors to gain insight into your feelings. Seeking professional guidance from therapists or relationship experts can also be beneficial in understanding and addressing the underlying causes of your decreased attraction.

Remember, each marriage is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Be kind to yourself and your husband as you navigate these complex emotions. With patience, understanding, and a shared commitment to growth, it’s possible to rebuild and reignite the flame of attraction within your marriage.