How to deal with your husband not wanting you

wife talks with husband

Does my husband love me?

When did you start asking yourself if your husband still wants you?

Maybe you’re starting to feel detached from him.

And one day he says that affection and physical intimacy are gone from the relationship—and he doesn’t know why.

But he doesn’t want you anymore.

You try to reach out to him, but only coldness and rejection are returned.

And you have no how to deal with your husband not wanting you.


Feeling alone in a relationship

You are feeling so lonely in marriage and trying to figure out what happened to your happy marriage.

“When did I start feeling rejected?

‘Why am I here?’

“Who takes care of me?”

“As for me, I still do my job of caring for  our family, but I get nothing in return.”

“How to deal with my husband not wanting me?

Okay, your husband doesn’t want you.

Months go by without sex and love, and you get the message that no one needs you and you’re not worth anything.

And you get a better conclusion:

My husband doesn’t love me

If you were valued, you would be “loved”.

Your husband would be wanting you.

Your husband’s care and love are what you need to feel happy.

What a mature woman wants in a relationship

You know what most of the women who complain that they are not getting what they want from their husbands should stop and look at how disrespectful and disdainful they are of them.

They should also look at what they put their time and energy into at the expense of him and their marriage.

It would be a stunner for them to realize that they try harder to impress strangers than they try to impress the person who is supposed to be the most important to them.

Which way should a woman handle a man

So, how to deal with your husband not wanting you?

Men are simple.

Women have to learn it if they expect to be truly happy with their men.

Unlike women, men do not have mercurial moods like PMS or hypersensitivity to interpersonal slights.

When was the last time you heard a man complain about his father-in-law?.

  • Men usually mean exactly what they say.
  • Men don’t speak in the more indirect style typical of women.
  • Men will typically suffer in silence long, long before they will complain or screech out in pain.
  • Men love to hear that their woman is happy and that they are the source of this happiness.
  • Men deserve the same respect you would show a visitor in your home—even more.
  • Men love to be complimented.
  • They also like to be admired.

Men are grumpy when they are tired and/or hungry. Anything they say while they are in either one of these states is not to be taken seriously.

Men are not your ‘daddies,’ they are your contemporaries and get stressed and scared about things just like you do.

And if you were a real friend, you would help ease their burdens, not add to them. 


This doesn’t mean that you don’t have problems—everyone does—but it’s a lot easier to work them out with a man who knows you love and respect him.

There is so much selfishness in the world—in marriages too.

Wife’s role in marriage

Think about it for even one minute:

How many women’s mags talk about women’s obligations to their men and children?


The typical article is about deserving freedom: Daycare vs. child rearing, sex out of wedlock vs. marriage, affairs vs. Fidelity, and solo parenting vs. two-parent homes are offered as entitlements for women.

These days,  many women are products of divorces or never created homes, were neglected by career mothers, were indoctrinated by the anti-family feminists throughout their schooling, and are surrounded by a culture that glorifies selfish gratification over sacrifice, it’s no wonder so many of them are “surprised” to not only hear of their obligations to husbands and children but are also amazed at the gratification derived from doing so.

Stop Any Intervention in Your Marriage

Many women allow themselves to take on the shackles of obligations to all sorts of family members and friends without at all expressing feelings of being oppressed or angry.

Many wives allow destructive friends and relatives to visit or move into their homes against the wishes of their husbands, because these wives have decided this good deed must be done, and then—big surprise—they have no time for their husbands.

Choose Your Husband

The truth is, there are only so many hours in a day and only so much we can put our energies into. We have to make choices. And if you don’t pick your husband, as #1, that favor will, sadly, be returned.

It’s worth reviewing the issue of your husband’s feelings and the male ego to point out how vital you – his wife –  are to his well-being.

What Does Your Husband Really Need?: infographic

What Does Your Husband Really Need?

Here is a list of key things your husband may be feeling:

  • Your husband needs to feel strong and needed as a protector for you and your family.
  • Your husband wants to feel that he is strong and the head of the household. I am not talking caveman-style, dragging the woman around by her hair, but just as the leader of the family.
  • Your husband wants respect, kindness, and love from you.
  • Your husband wants to be put on a pedestal, not so that he can look down on everyone, but to show him that he is the most important thing to you.
  • Your husband needs you to show him that you need his strength to help you through life.

What a man needs from his wife at all

Ladies, for a better understanding of how to deal with your husband not wanting you, first of all, try to imagine what a man needs from his wife.

  • The man should be the major breadwinner in the family. Every man needs a battle or war to win to prove to himself that he is strong and capable of conquering any and all dragons that life throws his way. Taking care of his family by working and providing are his battles.
  •  A man needs enthusiastic approval, appreciation, and respect from his wife for being a competent man, husband, and father.
  • A man needs his wife to show some interest in his interests, especially when it’s an activity she may not “get” or like. Just being there is important.
  • A man needs his wife to greet him after work with love and enthusiasm.
  • A man needs his wife to care about the day he’s had.
  • A man needs to know that his wife is sexually satisfied with him.
  • A man needs his wife’s encouragement in order to be a man.

Marriage problems for him

Nothing discourages a man more from trying to be a better husband than the feeling that no matter what he does, his wife won’t be pleased with him.

A man is grateful to be with a wife who believes in and appreciates him.

The more you tell him how much you love and respect him, the more your husband will want to do nice things to you, and the better he will feel about you. 


After marriage, and definitely after having children, too many wives contract the “Frump syndrome”

Frump syndrome: infographic

Frump syndrome

Frump syndrome – the symptoms of which include

  • Wearing flannel pajamas and socks, or sweatpants with oversized T-shirts, to bed instead of some girly thing with lace;
  • Not shaving legs or grooming nails;
  • Not washing, styling, or even combing hair;
  • Taking off (instead of freshening up) makeup from the day just before your husband comes home;
  • Using the toilet with him in the room;
  • Not making an attempt to smell sweet (with a little perfume or body oil);
  • Not putting on sexy outfits in front of your husband.

If you are unhappy in your marriage and your husband doesn’t want you anymore, but nothing particular is actually wrong, please, ask yourself if you have contracted this ailment.

Maybe, the answer is YES.

It’s worrisome when women embrace the notion that once they are married, they are entitled to be loved, adored, protected, gifted, romanced, obeyed, and provided for without question, without reciprocation, and definitely without any effort on their part to create the emotional and psychological environment that would more likely get them all those desires.

Women expect to be wooed yet be allowed to look haggish and frumpy. It’s hard to romance a hag and come off as being sincere. I will admit that I have fallen into the trap of letting myself go, but I have been clawing my way out of that hole. I now put the extra effort into showering and doing my hair and makeup before my darling comes home from work, and well, it has certainly paid off!

Marry J.


Do you remember that men are simple? And that we, their wives, really have the power to change what happens in a relationship, because men are easier to forgive and more easily corrected in their behavior with positive feedback than women.

What do men find most attractive in a woman?

What attracts men to women is their femininity, and femininity isn’t only about appearance, it’s also about behaviors.

Looking womanly and behaving sweetly and flirtatiously are gifts wives give to their husbands.


This gift communicates that the husband is seen as a man, not just a fix-it guy, the breadwinner, or the sperm donor.

And if it’s romancing a wife is hungering for, presenting oneself as an appealing “woman” will get more romancing than presenting oneself, as only a childcare worker, or house cleaner, or the other wage earner.

After Marriage Routine

After Marriage Routine: illustration

After marriage, there are bills to pay, two careers, a home to keep up, and children to raise.

After the second child, you give up your career to take care of the home and children. You would spend the day cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, playing with the kids, and balancing the checkbook. When your husband comes home, immediately there are things you want him to do now!

And, of course, none of those things had anything to do with romance, intimacy, or any other love activities.

You discover that you are becoming more nagging, hostile, and bitter, with a growing feeling that you were being cheated out of life.

When your husband comes home, you stop going to the door with a hug and a kiss, stop showing affection, stop having sex, and even stop the good-night kiss.


My husband has destroyed me emotionally, and yours?

It’s not your husband’s fault

Basically, you are blaming your husband for your unhappiness, insisting that it is up to him to go out of his way to please you and pamper you to make up for how difficult your life is.

Never mind how difficult his day was—which is only amplified by your angry discontent.

Romancing a spouse is supposed to be a two-way street, but I’m wracking my brain trying to think of one movie, book, play, or conversation on the radio, when I’ve heard a man describe his wife as romantic. I can’t think of one time. Is it that men don’t need romancing? No, don’t believe that. Is it that men define romancing differently? Probably. Is it that men don’t get much romancing? Definitely.

– Dr. Laura Schlessinger


The ideal female body, according to males

The good news is – men like woman’s body

  • Most men don’t find attractive the terribly skinny models featured in women’s magazines.
  • Men like normal, naturally shaped women, much like Jennifer Lopez or Marilyn Monroe.
  • Men like women who are naturally attractive.
  • Men generally don’t like a lot of makeup.

What many men are concerned about is if their wives let themselves go, gaining huge amounts of weight.


But men actually find their wives’ bodies attractive, though, even when they carry a little extra weight.


Husbands need to enjoy their wives’ bodies ‘visually’ for their emotional well-being. 

Men like to look at their wives’ bodies naked, watch the simple act of them undressing, and see them in something sexy.

Men need this visual excitement, and they should get it from their wives, not from adult bookstores or the Internet.

Men feel a desire for their wives to dress (and undress) and behave somewhat coquettishly.

Your husband’s sense of well-being is very much related to the fact that you indulge him with the visual look and seductive behavior.

One sad story of Divorce

Shahina wrote about her sad story of divorce after ten years of marriage. Her husband left her, complaining that they had so little time together and “because she was over-involved with her ‘mommy and daddy'”  and he no longer found her attractive.

It looks like she got a huge amount of weight by eating too much and doing too little exercise.

I can bet most women’s reaction by reading this is to get angry and say that her husband is shallow.

The impact on our bodies of natural aging, illness, pregnancies, and so forth is a simple fact of life. The inability to accept these realities betrays immaturity or worse.

At the same time, though, the unwillingness to accept responsibility for the upkeep of one’s physical or emotional well-being should be met with consternation by a spouse because it is an assault on the marital covenant. And the disregard for the unique feelings and needs of one’s spouse is a selfish insult.

Shahina’s letter went on to say:

“I would try to tell him that I would go on a diet and exercise to lose weight and become more attractive. I thought I would do these things for him so that he would find me attractive. I knew deep down that I did not want to do those things because I wanted him to love me and accept me just the way I was.”

Men are Insensitive Barbarians, really?

This is not unusual to hear from women, who express hostility that their husbands would like them to clean up, dress up, and tone up.

They act like their husbands are selfish, sex-crazed, superficial, insensitive barbarians, which isn’t the case.

The “If they loved me, they wouldn’t make a fuss about such things” point of view is simply irresponsible and destructive.

 Men have the emotional need to see their wives as desiring them, and the way the wives take care of and present themselves expresses that love.

Sex and affection are healthy ways for couples to connect and should be given freely and eagerly in a good relationship.

If women thought sex and affection were as important as any other part of a marriage, there would be fewer breakups because there would be more mutual satisfaction and bonding.

When wives are hostile or reject sexual intimacy and physical affection, men begin to believe that their wives no longer have an interest in them in any personal, profound way.


What is intimacy to a man?

couple on opposite sides of the bed

Why is my husband not interested in me sexually

One man wrote this for us, women. If you are trying to understand what your husband wants from you, feel free to read this manifesto.

“PLEASE be the sexual aggressor almost 50 percent of the time. If you chase him around the house/bedroom/bed enough, he will be too tired, and pleased, to even give another woman a passing thought well, a good man won’t.

Do you know what it means to a man to hear his woman say aloud the words ‘Would you please make love to me?’ or ‘Would you please__________ (you fill in the blank with some sexual invitation).

Don’t spend a lot of time in front of the mirror wishing you were something you are not.

Your husband is likely not a movie star either, and he loves you anyway.

Your ‘sexual personality’ determines a lot in how your husband sees you. The most beautiful woman in the world who says ‘no’ all the time to any and all sexual suggestions or overtures becomes ugly in his eyes in a big hurry.

A supposedly ‘plain’-looking woman who is a more-than-willing love partner with a good imagination in the bedroom, living room, shower, backseat, secluded woods, etc. (You get the idea), becomes one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Please, PLEASE, if we aren’t doing something right sexually—PLEASE communicate.

Go ahead, whisper naughty and loving things in our ears, we’ll take your lead.

And say ‘I love you.’


You thought only women love to hear that?”


FAQ Section

Question: What to do when your husband stops wanting you?

Oh, the ache that settles in when you feel your husband’s desire waning, like a flickering flame in the darkness. It’s a painful and tender journey to navigate, but remember, you are not alone in this. Take heart, dear one, and consider these steps to reclaim the love that once blossomed between you:

1. Open your heart: Initiate a heartfelt conversation with your husband. Share your vulnerabilities and fears, expressing your deep longing for his desire and affection. Allow your emotions to flow freely, creating a safe space for both of you to open up.

2. Rediscover intimacy: Explore new ways to reconnect physically and emotionally. Plan intimate dates, express affection through touch and gentle words, and create opportunities for shared moments of vulnerability and closeness.

3. Prioritize self-care: Focus on nurturing yourself and your own happiness. Engage in activities that bring you joy, boost your self-esteem, and cultivate a sense of inner strength. Remember, your own happiness is essential for a fulfilling relationship.

4. Seek professional support: Consider couples therapy or counseling as a safe space to navigate the complexities of your relationship. A skilled therapist can help both of you communicate better, understand each other’s needs, and rediscover the passion that may have dimmed over time.

5. Explore personal growth: Embrace personal development and encourage your husband to do the same. Engage in individual therapy or self-reflection to gain insights into your own desires, strengths, and growth areas. By focusing on your personal growth, you may inspire your husband to embark on his own journey of self-discovery.

Remember, dear one, that relationships evolve, and the flames of desire can be reignited with effort, patience, and understanding. Hold on to hope, believe in the power of love, and trust in your ability to rebuild the connection that once brought you together.

Question: How do you cope when your husband doesn’t desire you?

Dealing with a lack of desire from your husband can be emotionally challenging, but remember that you are not alone in this struggle. Firstly, open and honest communication is key. Talk to your husband about your feelings and concerns, expressing your needs and desires in a calm and understanding manner. Remember that desire can be influenced by various factors such as stress, health issues, or changes in the relationship. Seek professional help if needed, as couples therapy can provide a safe space for both of you to address these concerns and find solutions together.

Question: What to do if your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you?

Feeling neglected when your husband doesn’t want to spend time with you can be heart-wrenching. Remember that relationships go through ups and downs, and it’s important to approach this issue with empathy and understanding. Start by having an open conversation with your husband about your feelings and the importance of quality time together. Find shared interests or activities that you both enjoy and make an effort to plan dates or outings. It’s also important to give your husband space if he needs it, while gently reminding him of the value of your relationship and the joy you can bring to each other’s lives.

Question: How do I keep my husband wanting me?

Keeping the spark alive in a marriage requires effort from both partners. Remember, you are a unique and valuable individual, deserving of love and desire. Focus on self-care and nurturing your own interests and passions. Cultivate open communication and emotional intimacy with your husband, expressing your desires and needs, and encouraging him to do the same. Continue to make an effort in your physical appearance, not just for your husband’s sake, but to boost your own self-confidence. Finally, explore new experiences together, create shared memories, and celebrate the love and connection you have built.

Question: What is emotional neglect in marriage?

Emotional neglect in marriage refers to the persistent lack of emotional support, understanding, and validation from a spouse. It occurs when one partner consistently fails to acknowledge the emotional needs of the other, leading to feelings of loneliness, sadness, and isolation. Emotional neglect can manifest through a lack of communication, empathy, and affection, leaving one spouse feeling unheard and unloved. It is crucial to address and resolve emotional neglect in order to foster a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Question: What neglect does to a wife?

Neglect can deeply impact a wife emotionally, causing feelings of worthlessness, sadness, and a profound sense of being unimportant to her spouse. It erodes her self-esteem and confidence, making her question her own worth and desirability. Over time, neglect can lead to feelings of resentment, distance, and even a breakdown in the emotional bond between partners. It is essential for both partners to recognize the effects of neglect and work together to rebuild trust, emotional connection, and a sense of security within the relationship.

Question: Why does a husband neglect his wife?

There can be various reasons why a husband may neglect his wife. It could stem from personal issues such as stress, work pressure, or unresolved emotional baggage. Sometimes, it may be unintentional, with the husband being unaware of the impact his actions or lack of attention have on his wife. Other times, it could be a result of relationship dynamics, differing expectations, or a breakdown in communication. Understanding the underlying causes of neglect is crucial in order to address them effectively and work towards a healthier and more fulfilling marriage.

Read more about the Effects of lack of physical intimacy in a relationship

How to get sensation back: woman’s guide

How to fix marriage after cheating: are you up for a fight?

What happens when a woman is not sexually satisfied

I have no sex drive and my husband is mad

Unlocking Secrets: 11 Signs of Blocked Feminine Energy

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